Your 6-step guide to money etiquette while dating, by @MrsDowJones
Money etiquette can be super confusing when you’re dating -- I mean, who else has thought being 'friends with benefits' meant you got health care? (Hint: That's not what it means.)
I'm Haley Sacks, the founder of @MrsDowJones, and I make money and finance accessible to the masses.
Hopefully, this guide will steer you in the right direction so you feel confident dating everyone from a Prada-clad billionaire to a super hot hippie who just happens to live in a van.
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Rule 1: Be clear
Dating is confusing enough — don’t mix money signals into the equation. Know where the line is for you financially and stand your ground. For example, if you like to be treated to dinner when asked out on the first date, don’t reach for your wallet when the check comes.
When I was younger, I would reach for my wallet and faux fight to split the bill on the first date, even though I wanted to be treated. This made things super weird. Being clear in this particular case means not offering to pay. Set yourself up to win by making your actions match your expectations. (And if you are paying, be sure and whip out a card that earns you a nice stash of miles on the meal.)
Rule 2: Amount spent doesn't correlate to interest
The hallmark of a good date shouldn’t be that it was expensive -- it should be that you had fun and felt like he or she was obsessed with you. Don’t analyze how much they spent as a way to gauge their interest, the way you might analyze a text or wait to see if they watched your Instagram story. A really amazing date doesn’t have to break the bank.
Sometimes it’s fun to just grab your passport, head all the way to Brooklyn and pretend you always eat carbs when he wants to get tacos.
Related: Love is in the cards: What plastic your date should use to pay for dinner
Rule 3: Don’t spend their money without asking
I'm not trying to be a benefactor for my dates to finally try a legit 27-plate omakase dinner. Vice versa, I don’t expect them to do that for me.
If someone invites you — or you invite them — on a costly date, and who pays or contributes to the bill matters to you, make sure that's clear up front. And don’t be afraid to say no if your date wants to split a tab that doesn't align with your budget or desires. You just need to be upfront. Otherwise, you may end up resenting this person for causing you financial stress.
Rule 4: Don’t pry
Financial intimacy and emotional intimacy are not the same things.
As much as I wish every guy was as open about his student loans as he is about exes, finances are a sticky situation and everyone has different boundaries. Not to be Sigmund Freud, but a lot of people grow up with parents who didn't talk about money. Or they did, but it was often a stressful and contentious topic.
There’s going be a time to have this conversation, but at the beginning, when you’re just dating, try not to pry into their finances. Of course, if you take pride in being financially savvy, don’t downplay that -- it’s an amazing trait! But also, don’t ask someone what his or her credit score is within the first month. That's true even if you’re going out with a real-life prince. You might have Googled him and know he’s a royal billionaire, but until he tells you that he grew up in a palace, don’t bring it up.
Related reading: 5 ways to improve your credit score
Rule 5: Don’t be afraid to earn more
You can definitely date someone who is in a different tax bracket than you and even find long-lasting love. So own your career success -- it’s amazing. And if you want to spoil your date, more power to you. Just be sure he or she isn't taking you for granted. That’s when you know you have a leech. Don’t be that person, and don’t date that person.
Rule 6: Find balance
Every relationship has its own version of balance. As you go on more dates with this person, you will figure out what that looks like. Maybe you pay for bagels in the morning and he or she pays for dinner. Maybe you split everything straight down the middle. Each couple is different. You'll find your groove, as long as you’re open-minded and aware of your boundaries. That way neither partner feels disrespected and vulnerable.
OK, it's time to get ready for my date. Don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter and follow me on Instagram.
Haley Sacks is the founder of @MrsDowJones. She started the platform in 2017 when she wanted to learn about investing, but found herself bored by the overly serious content available. Featured in The New York Times and Good Morning America, @MrsDowJones disrupts Wall Street through memes, videos and merchandise that make money accessible to the masses. She lives in New York City.
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Intro offer
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Recommended Credit
Why We Chose It
There’s a lot to love about the Amex Gold. It’s a fan favorite thanks to its fantastic bonus-earning rates at restaurants worldwide and at U.S. supermarkets. If you’re hitting the skies soon, you’ll also earn bonus Membership Rewards points on travel. Paired with up to $120 in Uber Cash annually (for U.S. Uber rides or Uber Eats orders, card must be added to Uber app and you can redeem with any Amex card), up to $120 in annual dining statement credits to be used with eligible partners, an up to $84 Dunkin’ credit each year at U.S. Dunkin Donuts and an up to $100 Resy credit annually, there’s no reason that foodies shouldn’t add the Amex Gold to their wallet. These benefits alone are worth more than $400, which offsets the $325 annual fee on the Amex Gold card. Enrollment is required for select benefits. (Partner offer)Pros
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- Packed with credits foodies will enjoy
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Cons
- Not as useful for those living outside the U.S.
- Some may have trouble using Uber and other dining credits
- You may be eligible for as high as 100,000 Membership Rewards® Points after you spend $6,000 in eligible purchases on your new Card in your first 6 months of Card Membership. Welcome offers vary and you may not be eligible for an offer. Apply to know if you’re approved and find out your exact welcome offer amount – all with no credit score impact. If you’re approved and choose to accept the Card, your score may be impacted.
- Earn 4X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent on purchases at restaurants worldwide, on up to $50,000 in purchases per calendar year, then 1X points for the rest of the year.
- Earn 4X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent at US supermarkets, on up to $25,000 in purchases per calendar year, then 1X points for the rest of the year.
- Earn 3X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent on flights booked directly with airlines or on AmexTravel.com.
- Earn 2X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent on prepaid hotels and other eligible purchases booked on AmexTravel.com.
- Earn 1X Membership Rewards® point per dollar spent on all other eligible purchases.
- $120 Uber Cash on Gold: Add your Gold Card to your Uber account and get $10 in Uber Cash each month to use on orders and rides in the U.S. when you select an American Express Card for your transaction. That’s up to $120 Uber Cash annually. Plus, after using your Uber Cash, use your Card to earn 4X Membership Rewards® points for Uber Eats purchases made with restaurants or U.S. supermarkets. Point caps and terms apply.
- $84 Dunkin' Credit: With the $84 Dunkin' Credit, you can earn up to $7 in monthly statement credits after you enroll and pay with the American Express® Gold Card at U.S. Dunkin' locations. Enrollment is required to receive this benefit.
- $100 Resy Credit: Get up to $100 in statement credits each calendar year after you pay with the American Express® Gold Card to dine at U.S. Resy restaurants or make other eligible Resy purchases. That's up to $50 in statement credits semi-annually. Enrollment required.
- $120 Dining Credit: Satisfy your cravings, sweet or savory, with the $120 Dining Credit. Earn up to $10 in statement credits monthly when you pay with the American Express® Gold Card at Grubhub, The Cheesecake Factory, Goldbelly, Wine.com, and Five Guys. Enrollment required.
- Explore over 1,000 upscale hotels worldwide with The Hotel Collection and receive a $100 credit towards eligible charges* with every booking of two nights or more through AmexTravel.com. *Eligible charges vary by property.
- No Foreign Transaction Fees.
- Annual Fee is $325.
- Terms Apply.
Rewards Rate
| 4X | Earn 4X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent on purchases at restaurants worldwide, on up to $50,000 in purchases per calendar year, then 1X points for the rest of the year. |
| 4X | Earn 4X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent at US supermarkets, on up to $25,000 in purchases per calendar year, then 1X points for the rest of the year. |
| 3X | Earn 3X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent on flights booked directly with airlines or on AmexTravel.com. |
| 2X | Earn 2X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent on prepaid hotels and other eligible purchases booked on AmexTravel.com. |
| 1X | Earn 1X Membership Rewards® point per dollar spent on all other eligible purchases. |
Intro Offer
You may be eligible for as high as 100,000 Membership Rewards® Points after spending $6,000 in eligible purchases on your new Card in your first 6 months of Membership. Welcome offers vary and you may not be eligible for an offer.As High As 100,000 points. Find Out Your Offer.Annual Fee
$325Recommended Credit
Credit ranges are a variation of FICO® Score 8, one of many types of credit scores lenders may use when considering your credit card application.Excellent to Good
Why We Chose It
There’s a lot to love about the Amex Gold. It’s a fan favorite thanks to its fantastic bonus-earning rates at restaurants worldwide and at U.S. supermarkets. If you’re hitting the skies soon, you’ll also earn bonus Membership Rewards points on travel. Paired with up to $120 in Uber Cash annually (for U.S. Uber rides or Uber Eats orders, card must be added to Uber app and you can redeem with any Amex card), up to $120 in annual dining statement credits to be used with eligible partners, an up to $84 Dunkin’ credit each year at U.S. Dunkin Donuts and an up to $100 Resy credit annually, there’s no reason that foodies shouldn’t add the Amex Gold to their wallet. These benefits alone are worth more than $400, which offsets the $325 annual fee on the Amex Gold card. Enrollment is required for select benefits. (Partner offer)Pros
- 4 points per dollar spent on dining at restaurants worldwide and U.S. supermarkets (on the first $50,000 in purchases per calendar year; then 1 point per dollar spent thereafter and $25,000 in purchases per calendar year; then 1 point per dollar spent thereafter, respectively)
- 3 points per dollar spent on flights booked directly with the airline or with amextravel.com
- Packed with credits foodies will enjoy
- Solid welcome bonus
Cons
- Not as useful for those living outside the U.S.
- Some may have trouble using Uber and other dining credits
- You may be eligible for as high as 100,000 Membership Rewards® Points after you spend $6,000 in eligible purchases on your new Card in your first 6 months of Card Membership. Welcome offers vary and you may not be eligible for an offer. Apply to know if you’re approved and find out your exact welcome offer amount – all with no credit score impact. If you’re approved and choose to accept the Card, your score may be impacted.
- Earn 4X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent on purchases at restaurants worldwide, on up to $50,000 in purchases per calendar year, then 1X points for the rest of the year.
- Earn 4X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent at US supermarkets, on up to $25,000 in purchases per calendar year, then 1X points for the rest of the year.
- Earn 3X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent on flights booked directly with airlines or on AmexTravel.com.
- Earn 2X Membership Rewards® points per dollar spent on prepaid hotels and other eligible purchases booked on AmexTravel.com.
- Earn 1X Membership Rewards® point per dollar spent on all other eligible purchases.
- $120 Uber Cash on Gold: Add your Gold Card to your Uber account and get $10 in Uber Cash each month to use on orders and rides in the U.S. when you select an American Express Card for your transaction. That’s up to $120 Uber Cash annually. Plus, after using your Uber Cash, use your Card to earn 4X Membership Rewards® points for Uber Eats purchases made with restaurants or U.S. supermarkets. Point caps and terms apply.
- $84 Dunkin' Credit: With the $84 Dunkin' Credit, you can earn up to $7 in monthly statement credits after you enroll and pay with the American Express® Gold Card at U.S. Dunkin' locations. Enrollment is required to receive this benefit.
- $100 Resy Credit: Get up to $100 in statement credits each calendar year after you pay with the American Express® Gold Card to dine at U.S. Resy restaurants or make other eligible Resy purchases. That's up to $50 in statement credits semi-annually. Enrollment required.
- $120 Dining Credit: Satisfy your cravings, sweet or savory, with the $120 Dining Credit. Earn up to $10 in statement credits monthly when you pay with the American Express® Gold Card at Grubhub, The Cheesecake Factory, Goldbelly, Wine.com, and Five Guys. Enrollment required.
- Explore over 1,000 upscale hotels worldwide with The Hotel Collection and receive a $100 credit towards eligible charges* with every booking of two nights or more through AmexTravel.com. *Eligible charges vary by property.
- No Foreign Transaction Fees.
- Annual Fee is $325.
- Terms Apply.