10 of the Craziest Foods in Major League Baseball
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To take advantage of Chase Sapphire Preferred’s lucrative offer of 3x points on dining on the first Friday of every month, we regularly round up the best in food and drink. With baseball season in full swing, TPG Contributor Jason Kessler has scoped out stadiums that are serving up the craziest food around so you can fill up on grub and points at the same time — although keep in mind that cardholders’ ability to earn bonus points depends on the credit card rules and coding of each stadium’s concession stands. Make your way to one of these 10 stadiums, buy yourself a Friday night ticket and get ready to chow down!
Lasorda’s Meatball Marinara Cone ($9)
Where: Dodger’s Stadium — Los Angeles, California
When: The Dodgers welcome the New York Mets on July 3, 2015.
Have you ever been eating an ice cream cone and thought, this is good and all, but it would be SO MUCH BETTER if the ice cream was swapped out for a meatball? If so, you’re either 1) crazy or 2) you work at Dodger’s Stadium, where this meaty abomination, named after legendary Dodgers’ skipper Tommy Lasorda, was introduced for the 2015 season. A flaky pizza crust is shaped into a cone, then stuffed with a massive meatball and filled to the brim with marinara. Instead of sprinkles, you’re getting parmesan cheese and oregano. It comes with a side of heartburn.
Fried S’mOreo ($8)
Where: Globe Life Park — Arlington, Texas
When: The Rangers host the Angels on July 3, 2015.
When deep-fried Oreos find their way into a sugar-filled mash-up with s’mores, everyone wins. Or loses. Depends on how you look at it, really. Roll a marshmallow around in breadcrumbs, sandwich it in between two deep-fried Oreos and cover the whole mess in chocolate sauce and Cool Whip. Voila! You have this sweet Texan beast that’s sure to satisfy the hearts and stomachs of anyone who loves both baseball and disgusting State Fair food.
The Churro Dog ($8.50)
Where: Chase Field — Phoenix, Arizona
When: You’ve got two shots at scoring a Churro Dog on triple-point Friday: The Rockies come to town on July 3, 2015 and the D-backs play host to the Reds in the dog days of August on August 7, 2015.
The Diamondbacks have been leading the Crazy Ballpark Food Revolution for years with items like the D-Bat (an 18-inch cheese-and-jalapeno-filled corn dog wrapped in bacon), but the Churro Dog is something else altogether. Instead of aiming squarely at your gut, it’s targeting your sweet tooth. The “dog” here? It’s a churro. The bun? A doughnut. Instead of traditional hot dog toppings like mustard and relish, you’re getting a full-on frozen yogurt sundae with chocolate sauce and caramel syrup for good measure. Eat this during the 6th inning or later — any earlier and you’re going to regret it.
The Rib Helmet
Where: US Cellular Field — Chicago, Illinois
When: Baltimore hits the Windy City to face the Sox on July 3, 2015.
If the White Sox had their way, everything in the world would be served in a plastic batting helmet. Not satisfied with their twelve-scoop banana split helmet sundae last year, the Southsiders are upping the ante and going right for the Superfans with this rib-filled protective device. Barbecue ribs sit on a swimming pool’s worth of fries with sides of coleslaw and cornbread for maximum deliciousness. If you want this gut-buster, though, you can’t just buy a regular ticket. It’s only available on the Club Level.
What: The Bases Loaded Burger
Where: Yankees Stadium — Bronx, New York
When: You’ve got three Friday chances to cash in at Yankees Stadium: The Tampa Bay Rays head to New York on July 3, 2015, the Toronto Blue Jays visit on August 7, 2015, and Tampa Bay returns on September 4, 2015.
Major League Baseball teams love to introduce massive burgers that can’t possibly be fit for human consumption. A few years ago, the Washington
Senators Nationals unveiled the Strasburger, a $59, eight-pound monster. The Tampa Bay Rays started serving the Fan vs. Food Burger, a four-pounder that’ll win you two free tickets if you finish it in under thirty minutes. This year, the Yankees introduced the Bases Loaded Burger, which doesn’t quite have the heft of the offerings from other stadiums but will cause more than enough gastronomical distress on its own. Half a pound of beef sits on a King’s Hawaiian roll with fried mac & cheese, cilantro ranch dressing, lettuce, red onions, tomato and a slice of American cheese in case you forgot what kind of country serves a disaster like this.
What: 1/2 Dozen Oysters from Don Camaron
Where: Marlins Park — Miami, Florida
When: The Mets travel down to Miami to meet the Marlins on September 4, 2015.
There’s nothing crazy about oysters on their own. In fact, oysters are about as simple as you can get. The craziness comes in when you consider that you’re ordering oysters at a baseball game in the middle of the Floridian summer. Do you have a death wish? If so, go ahead and order these. In fact, order several dozen of them. If you want to live, though, you’ll probably want to stay away from these fickle bivalves, which are known to make people sick even in the best of conditions. Seriously, my friends, if you need to get your fix of these mollusks, wait until after the game and go to Joe’s Stone Crab.
Rocky Mountain Oysters ($7.50)
Where: Coors Field — Denver, Colorado
When: The Rockies host the Giants on September 4, 2015.
If you think actual oysters are bad at the ball park, how about these Rocky Mountain Oysters? As you may have surmised, they’ve never been in the ocean. In fact, the only place they’ve really been is inside a cow’s scrotum, because these are deep-fried slices of bull testicle. On the outside, they look like chicken nuggets; on the inside, they’re nuggets of a different variety. Some people may be interested in catching foul balls at the game, but if you’re a true Rockies fan, you’ll have no problem catching these balls, too.
The Waffle ($16)
Where: Busch Stadium — St. Louis, Missouri
When: Snag The Waffle of your choosing on July 3, 2015 when the Cards play the Padres or on September 4, 2015 when division rival Pittsburgh comes to the Lou.
This year, the St. Louis Cardinals have decided to offer the beautiful option to customize The Waffle to your own personal comfort level. If you’re more traditional, you can get your waffle sandwich stuffed with a fried chicken breast and maple bacon gravy. If you’re a fan of Southern cooking, swap out the fried chicken for barbecue pulled pork with creamy coleslaw and barbecue sauce. If your tastes skew more south of the border, order The Waffle with chicken carnitas, crispy bacon, pico de gallo and a solid layer of ranch dressing. They all come with queso tater tots and a massive stomachache.
Bacon and Eggs
Where: Comerica Park — Detroit, Michigan
When: The Tigers play every first Friday for the rest of the season. Catch some breakfast for dinner on July 3, 2015 when the Tigers play the Blue Jays, on August 7, 2015 when Boston comes to town, or on September 4, 2015 for the classic Ohio/Michigan grudge match of an Indians-Tigers game.
The love that Americans have for bacon knows no bounds, and this new dish at Comerica Park proves it. In a marriage of America’s Pastime and America’s Cured Meat, the Tigers are serving a thick-cut, five-ounce bacon steak topped with three deviled eggs and three slices of fried jalapeños. In case the spice of those ‘peños isn’t enough, though, know that those eggs come extra deviled with sriracha mixed in. Why would you want to eat deviled eggs in the hot sun, you ask? Clam up and eat your bacon, pal. There’s no time for questions when those fried jalapeños are getting cold.
Cheeseburger Poppers ($8)
Where: O.co Coliseum — Oakland, California
When: The A’s have a full plate when it comes to first Friday games. On July 3, 2015, they host the Mariners. On August 7th, they’ll face off against the Astros. When September 4th rolls around, Seattle comes back to town once again.
Little corn dog bites? Sure. Jalapeño poppers? Absolutely. But when cheeseburger balls are dipped in corn dog batter and deep-fried, we have to draw the line. This isn’t a carnival — it’s a baseball game. Also, why didn’t they just shape the cheeseburger into a tube and make it like a corn dog? Why would anybody want all of that extra fried batter? Oh, wait … this is America — of course we want extra batter. As luck would have it, the Ball Park Poppers stand also offers sriracha and ranch dressing, so you can make those cheeseburger poppers extra patriotic.
What’s your favorite food/food-like creation at the ballpark?